Mine and Kyle's Favorite Bedtime Prayer

Now the light has gone away;
Savior, listen while I pray.
Asking Thee to watch and keep
And to send me quiet sleep.

Jesus, Savior, wash away
All that has been wrong to-day;
Help me every day to be
Good and gentle, more like Thee.

Let my near and dear ones be
Always near and dear to Thee.
O bring me and all I love
To Thy happy home above.

We like this one better because he gets scared, especially with me when we do the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep One.  So from our family to yours, our nightly prayer before bed.

Once In Awhile Life Throws Us A Curve Ball!

It has been awhile since I've had the opportunity to update, so I figured this is as good as anytime...The last couple of months have been rough.  I left TMC because when I started back, there was so much that I was unable to remember, that they weren't willing to make the necessary changes for me to work there.  I was offered a job to become a manager for the Oy Vey Cafe on the University of Arizona Campus.  This has been one of the most awesome jobs ever.  Not only because of the people I work with, but the family atmosphere of the people that work at the Hillel Foundation.  What a truly amazing group of people.  Asher, who owns the 5th Street Deli, also owns the Oy Vey Cafe and the Cafe at the J.  He is a great person to work with.  There is a lot to learn from him, and I still feel as if I am just touching the tip of the iceberg. 

I've also started getting back into photography a lot more, and truly enjoy capturing "that moment".  I don't know what it is....Sometimes it is a look, a smile, a glance, or just a simple body position that is only for a second, and when you get it, you've captured something so real.  I had the opportunity to photograph the Go Red for Women Luncheon and the Birdies and Butterflies Gala with one of my best friends Sherri.  Both amazing events. 

Then near the end of August, I started having seizures.  We had no clue what was causing them, where they were coming from, how to control them etc.  We were truly freaking out everyday, because we really didn't know when they would hit.  I ended up in the hospital, and we found out that my seizures are caused by me not knowing how to deal with stress.  Most people get mad, angry, argue, etc, my body puts all that negative energy into really severe seizures.  Now some people have said, oh your just crazy.  When you look at it statistically, 64% of people who undergo epilepsy studies don't have epilepsy, they have the condition I have.  So now, not only do I have to worry about what happens with my heart rate and blood pressure, I get to worry about getting mad. 

With this, I have backed off of working with lots of non-profits that I loved to, and am trying to take time for myself at this point.  I've gone long enough burning my candles at both ends, and now I'm paying for it.  The main focus right now for me is the Tucson Festival of Hearts.  I'm not sure how to voice my thoughts.  I can't wait for next year, however, it seems that I am doing something wrong.  I'm not sure.  I've done huge fundraising events, I'm good at it, and yet, I feel as if I'm waiting for a foot to fall or something.  I'm not sure why.  I pray that God gives me insight into this, because at the bottom of it all, it is me and Vanessa wanting to bring organizations together for the Tucson community and help people.  We want to help those who might not be able to get the information or don't know how to get the information anywhere else, and we have support from larger organizations to do this.  I've been praying about this. 

So as for now, life is an amazing journey.  One step at a time, and touch one heart at a time.  We as humans have that ability to brighten someones day no matter how small the act of kindness....Always smile, offer a kind word, help someone out....Little everyday things can truly change one life at a time.

Be Not the One to Judge

I saw a young girl doing this in a grocery store, and the lady that she judged.....This is something that I wanted to share.  Sometimes, even the best of us are guilty of judging others. 

You are in grocery store. Harried, stressed and exhausted. There is a woman in front of you, youngish- 40's maybe. She is walking exactly where you want to be, where you deserve to be. She is not walking fast enough. Not moving fast enough. You clear your throat loudly. Hoping she takes the hint. You want to yell "Move it or lose it sister!" at the top of your lungs. She moves ahead a bit and slowly reaches for an item on the shelf. You feel your heart start to race, blood pressure go up. The urge to tap her with your carriage is overwhelming. You have to get home, you have dinner to make. You have laundry that needs to be finished. You have things to do. Clearing your throat didn't move her fast enough. You sigh. Loudly. She glances at you and smiles. A warm smile. She grabs her shopping cart and walks forward. Still not fast enough for you, but she is out of your way. You grab what you need and you are off. Zipping past her, dirty glance in her direction. The nerve. Some people. World revolves around them. As you reach the end of your shopping, you glance over and see that she has only made it another 4 aisles. You think she is lazy, checking prices because she is poor. You check out and you leave. Not giving her another thought. Places to go, things to do. You are normally a patient person. But seriously, if she lost some weight, got a better job or whatever her reason for being so slow, so in your way, she would have gone faster.

In the time span of a quick stop at the grocery store, you glanced at a woman briefly. You didn't actually see her. You didn't get a sense of her. All you saw was what you projected onto her. Lazy, slow, fat, poor. You tried and convicted her in the space of a minute. You felt better about yourself without even realizing it. Then you were gone.
What you didn't see. What you would have seen had you taken a moment. Only a moment and actually looked at her. Was pain. Not in any outward signs, but in her face. In her walk. The way she maneuvered her shopping cart, getting the item and getting out of your way. You didn't see her. But she sure as hell saw you. She smiled at you. Knowing full well your anger at her. She smiled. Until you walked past. Then the hurt set in.

There are 50 million Americans, one in five, that suffer from an autoimmune disease. 26.2% of Americans, one in four, suffer from mental illness. 7.8% or 5.2 million Americans will suffer or suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). All of these show no outward symptoms. Nothing you would see at a quick glance. But each one is like an albatross hanging around the neck of the person who suffers from it. That woman in the grocery store was trying. Trying to be independent. Trying to live through the pain. Each step she took sent shock waves through her. But she was determined. Determined not to let her disease stop her from living. She did it. She did her own shopping. This is a natural thoughtless act for most, for her it was an act of sheer strength and determination. But one that no one sees.

Every day you walk past people and automatically judge them. It is a human trait. You see what you want to see, what you are conditioned to see and you judge. Probably not even realizing you are doing it at the time. Everyone is so busy. So caught up in their own little world that we fail to see what is often right in front of us. We judge. We sigh loudly at the slow shopper. We tell the overweight person to exercise more, not understanding it is their medication that makes them that way. We tell the man that can't work, can't function to get over his depression. Just be happy already. People just don't get it. They don't see it and when they do actually see it, they turn their heads and are thankful it isn't them. They judge in order to distance themselves from it.

These people that suffer from diseases you can't see are so impressive to me. They work, they get up everyday knowing what is in store for them. They do it any way. They strive for independence and they try so hard not to let the world see just how hard it is. They lean on those close to them and try not to feel the guilt that it causes. They take medications that make them sick, but are up every morning with their kids. They try. By sheer force of will they make a life for themselves. They are strong, they are tough and they understand that when their disease puts limitations on them, it's time to find a way to work around it. They do it everyday. For some people getting up and out of bed is a victory . Grocery shopping is a cause for celebration. Going fishing and spending time alone for the first time in years, life changing.

I was talking to a friend last week. She suffers from an autoimmune disease. She gets out as much as she can, and does what she can, however sometimes, those days are far and few between.  Moving might limit her, or just being able to get dressed.  She was in constant pain but she did not let it stop her. She faced her disease and found ways to work around it. Her happiness and her strength was palpable. Without even realizing it she was inspiring. We all have limitations. We all have something that stands in our way at times. We get frustrated, we cry and yell "Why me?". When what we should be doing is taking a page from my friend's book and say instead, "What can I do different to get where I need to be?"

Don't just look. See. If you spend to much time making judgments and not seeing people for who they really are, it is you who will lose out. Finding inspiration in people you meet on a daily basis makes life so much more interesting. Everyone you come across in life is fighting some kind of battle. Maybe, just maybe, they can shed some light on yours.

Don't just look. See.

How to Know God

We all ask the questions, how do I get to know God, how do I become closer to Him.....Getting to know God takes a lifetime. But the journey is wonderful. How to go about it? By knocking, asking, and seeking. They are ways to get to know God. How do we then knock, ask, and seek?
The important thing to know is that we all do fail in our pursuit of God once in awhile. But the secret is persistence. When we consistently keep on knocking (entering into the presence of God), seeking (cultivating a relationship with God), and asking for help in our daily lives, we are getting to know God in the process.
“Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Whoever seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door is opened.“(Matthew 7: 7-8, CEB)
One of the most exciting things in life is learning to do ordinary things for God. When we become Christians, we don’t suddenly stop making dinners for our families. But now we can serve God while we prepare the meals. It does take some practice to get that mind set that we are doing everything for God. But when we really get into serving God while we go about our everyday routines, we start seeing God’s presence in our lives in a very special way.

This is seeking God’s will for our lives. This is getting to know God in the midst of our everyday lives. This is to cultivate a relationship with God.
When we pray as we work, we keep on getting to know God. When we ask for God’s help, we are less likely to worry about the matters in hand. When we ask for direction as we read the Bible, God will reveal his wisdom for us. When we ask God to show how we need to live out the Bible text we are reading, God will respond. This is asking for God’s help for our lives. This is getting to know God as we pray, study his Word, live our lives. This is to interact with God.
How about knocking then. I think knocking is the entering into God’s presence. It’s the crucial moment when we decide whether we seek God or somebody else. God will open the door, when we knock. This is also a way of getting to know God. Because of Jesus we are welcome into God’s presence anytime we knock. As C.S. Lewis has said “God is not proud…He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.” So let’s keep on knocking on the right door. God wants to be found. God wants to be known. Thanks be to God!

Gracious God,
Thank you for always being there.
Thank you for drawing us to you again and again.
Give us persistence to keep on knocking, asking, seeking You.
Enable us to get to really know you.
We love you and we adore you.
Be praised forever and ever.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen

Reality and how it likes to show us our true strength

So as things were going, I started my therapies, 2x a week with occupational, physical and speech therapy.  Upon reading my discharge papers, I found that the doctors had in fact diagnosed me with complex migraines with a tia.  No wonder there are resdiuals!!!!!  I can't move my hands, I've slipped in the bathtub once...I'm sure I looked like the lady who went "Help I've fallen and can't get up!".  That is the joke in this house, unfortunately Kyle was sleeping and Kevin had left for work.  My speech therapist is working with me on my long speech issues and swallow.  We are noticing when I'm eating it takes two to three swallows to get something down.  With PT, well my left side sucks.  My hamstring is week and because of the ankle being damaged so many times, thank you to all the falls, we are having to rebuild my whole leg and arm.  Now on to occupational therapy.  This didn't really hit me till yesterday when the therapist was asking questions about how things are done in the house.  She asked, do you cook, I said not really, my husband does it.  She said do you do laundry, I said no, Kevin usually does that.  How about cleaning?  Kevin.  You would think that this would have hit me sooner and yet it hasn't.  Kevin has been running our house for almost 7 years without any real help from me.  I talked with him last night and told him for the first time it actually connected.  I didn't realize all he did.  In my brain Kevin is always stressed and usually being a pain.  But until that therapy session yesterday, Kevin has been running our house.  It is crazy when you have those realizations.  Me and Kevin are working on what is upcoming with my therapy sessions in hopes that we can work through all this together.  I can't imagine doing this without him.  Also, I have earned an appt with a CHD cardiothoracic surgeon on the 27th of this month.  We will see how this appt pans out.  There is a lot of questions that I have.  Dr. Teodori is one of the best in the country.  So we will see what he has to say.  I will probably post again later tonight.....but this is my thoughts for right now:

 

I think that too often, we are left wondering why we're left standing alone during a trial. In reality, we need to look right in front of us and realize that we HAVE the blessings we need to make it through a difficult time. Are we too stubborn to recognize them? Are we too blind to accept that they are our blessings? Perhaps the blessings come in a way that we weren't expecting and we let them pass us by without acknowledgment.

Yes, life is challenging. Life is HARD. Life is exhausting. But, look around you and realize that there is SO much to be grateful for. It can all be taken away from you in a split second, so why not live for today ... enjoy this very moment ... recognize the good around you ... be grateful for what you have, regardless of whether is easy or hard ... and thank God for the life he has given you.

Life is short, why not make the best of it.

Be grateful.

Be happy.

Recognize your blessings.

Wow, what a week

Things to remember each day!!!!!!

So you would think that a simple week would come and go with no issues.  Nope, not in this house buddy.  Last Saturday night me and Kevin were taking Kyle to the Valley of the Moon to see the Dark Crystal (one of our favorite movies).  Before we left, I told Kevin that I had a splitting headache, and took some aspirin not even thinking about it.  Got home after an uneventful night, was having some chest pain, and decided, take my meds, go to bed.....Let me just say this, if you wake up in a foggy like state, it is no fun.  Sunday I was so tired and everything was just slow motion it seemed.  Kevin went to lay down and sleep before work.  At 5 when Kevin woke up, he woke up to see my left side of my face drooped....Couldn't life my arm to save me, and my left leg was more in a dragging like state.  I called my friend Erica to come over and take a look at me and see how I was doing.  Most of the time I would fight a trip in the awesome ambulance, but I didn't, I knew something was really off, and just didn't want to acknowledge that.  So here I am in the back of the ambulance, I'm sure looking like I was drooling like hell on myself, and made it to the ER.  Now let me just say, when the ER is busy, your lucky to be seen in 3 hours.  I was seen, evaluated, CT'ed etc, and they told Kevin that it looked like I stroked or had a TIA.  They admitted me for a stroke.  The next morning when the neuro doc came in to take a look, I just barely had movement in my face, still having issues with my arm and leg, and making fun of myself.  I was then told that since both CT's were clear, that they were pretty sure that I had something called a complex migraine.  Apparently these little beasties mimic strokes!!!!  As if that isn't bad enough, whatever hit me exacerbated my stoke issues, and so I'm starting from the ground up.  Speech therapy, occupational therapy and physical therapy.  YAY ME!!!!  Tuesday I was discharged and am currently trying to rest before I go back to work.  My heart sister Joanie had a sucessful surgery, and is doing really good.  I prayed like you wouldn't believe.  She has grandbabies to watch grow up.  On the up and up, past that, I'm trying to just be good.  I'm making it one day at a time, and have turned over all of this to God.  So much of this I have no control over, and God will put me where he needs me at the time I need to be there.  So, here are a couple pictures to help you recognize the signs and symptoms of a stroke:

Things that Make Me Happy List!!!!!

Today, grab a sheet of paper and start writing down everything that makes you happy, that makes you smile and warms your heart. Write as many ideas as you can. The goal is to make this list the longest list you’ll ever make in your life! You’ll keep this list somewhere accessible and feed it regularly (I like every day). Some of the activities will be very simple (e.g.: drinking a cup of hot chocolate while watching your favorite chick flick), some will require more finances and/or logistics (e.g.: going back to Disney World with your family or going on a cruise). And that’s great, write everything down.
Now what do you do then with this list? Here are a few ideas:

• Whenever you have a few moments to spare during the day, grab your list and do one of the activities you noted.
• Better yet, schedule a Happy Moment every day, or at least every week, and do something nice for yourself.
• For the more complex activities, include them in your 1-, 3- or 5-year plan. You’ll have something exciting to plan and work for!

With this, you won’t have an excuse to not pamper yourself. It’ll help you have conscious personal moments, and that’s priceless. You’ll also have something really nice to look forward to every day. How amazing is that? So get on your writing, and I wish you very Happy Moments!

Wanna Be Free to Be Me

There are a lot of people who have the “I-wanna-be-free-I-wanna-be-me” mentality. Their ultimate goal in life is “to be themselves”, whatever that means.

This is can be very problematic in our “fallen” world.

There are two big problems in this mentality. First is the word “free”. What most of us consider freedom is actually abuse of freedom. Modern man’s idea of freedom is doing anything you want. That is not freedom that is license. Freedom has boundaries. You are not free to murder or steal.

Many people like to use the word “freedom” so they can be free to be selfish. They like to do whatever fancies them, at all cost. Like a father or a mother who wants to be “free” from his/her family. So they leave their families to pursue their personal happiness. That is not freedom that is abandonment.

Another problematic part of that mentality is the “me”. Modern man in general has no clue who he is. He is fashioned by his environment, especially by the media. It is the same media who educates the masses that being a fallen human being is normal. And to strive to be the human God created us to be is psychologically problematic.

Our idea of “me” will be probably egoistic. Our “me-attitude” can be sum up to “It is all about me and to hell with the rest.”

Our idea of our humanity is very selfish. It is all about getting what we want.

But that is not who we are.

We were created to love. To forget ourselves in love. God created us to have a “We” attitude and not a “Me” attitude. Selfishness is the total opposite of our humanity.

It is same with freedom. God gave us freedom not to be selfish, but to love. Only free people can love. A selfish person is not free to love because he cannot love anyone else but himself. It takes great freedom to love, for most of us are slaves of our fears and selfishness.

“Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.” -Pope John Paul II

Jesus was the freest man who ever lived, for He was God. But Jesus spent His life doing the Father’s will and not His own.

“Yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42

If we want to be really “free” and to be really “me”, we must start defining freedom and ourselves by God’s standards and not of the world’s.

So how do we do it?

We must love God with all our being, and love our neighbor as ourselves.

The ultimate act of freedom is to love.

The fulfillment of our humanity is love as well.

So be free to give your “me” to love.

12 Steps on Being A Good Person

Throughout the years I have had many mentors who have influenced my life, both dead and live, in the soul (mind) and body areas of my life, but there is only one who has also significantly impacted me in the spiritual area of my life.

In this secular world many people tend to forget that we are a triune being – spirit, soul and body, and that we need to tend each area that constitutes our life in order to live a full, balanced and successful life.
So let me introduce you to, in my opinion, the giant amongst mentors.

This is not about religion. This is about real life lessons that can be applied to your life in an instant, and I highly recommend that you take them and apply them to your life immediately.

1. To Serve Is To Be Great
Here is the secret to great leadership. Leadership is not about rulership. It is about serving others. And in giving to others you will never lack for any good thing in your life.

2. There Is A Cure For Worry
To live a worry free life is a joy. Anxiety is a killer. So to be able to face each day, knowing that if the world can exist in such beauty and splendour, there is nothing that you need to be concerned about. Take a fresh look at nature and get the point.

3. Love Conquers All


When it comes to love we are given three directives: Love God. Love your neighbour. Love your enemies.
The first step forward to develop this love in your life is to learn to pray. I have found prayer to be an incredibly energizing practice. Now if this is not familiar to you, let me explain that this is not the point where you get all holier than thou on me. Prayer for me is simply sharing my heart with one greater than myself. You will often find me talking out loud as I pray, or sometimes I’m simply speaking quietly in the depths of my mind to one greater than myself.
I was actually up at 3:30am this morning praying. That happens to me from time to time. But I also pray while I’m at work. I pray while I hike. I pray in the car. I pray as an individual, and pray as a family.
But what is prayer? Simply handing over life’s good and bad that we’re handed to one far greater than ourselves – and that even includes our enemies. Seems back to front to conventional thinking – but I have seen many an enemy turned around 180 degrees through the power of simply praying that good happen in their life.

4. Follow The Golden Rule
This is such a wonderful principle. Simply, do as you want to be done. Often the good turn won’t come back from the one you did it for – but it will come back from somewhere in this amazing universe that we live in.

5. Ask For What You Need
Go on, I dare you. Ask. If you don't ask for something, how can you expect to recieve anything back. The power is in the asking. Ask, and in your asking expect to receive. When my son asks me for something, as his mother I cannot resist the pull that it invokes on my motherly heartstrings to give him the best that I have to offer.

6. Judge Not
Point one finger in the direction of another in judgment and you have three pointing straight back at you. Not good. Resist the slippery slide towards judging others.

7. Keep Your Word
If you can say yes. If you can’t say no. Don’t muck about by telling a lie when you know that you cannot do what you have promised. The word ‘no’ can be your most liberating friend if used wisely. You can’t do everything, so start practicing the use of it. And if you say ‘yes’ ensure that you do what you say – even if it is inconvenient. This builds a depth of character in your being and trust from those around you.

8. Give In Secret
There is nothing worse than someone blowing their own trumpet. Practice the art of giving in secret. Your reward will be great.

9. Forgive Others
To forgive others is to free you from the disabling chains of unforgiveness. Sorry is sometimes the hardest word to say, but once said it is liberating. Don’t wait for others to apologise. You lead the way and be the first to offer the hand of forgiveness. This is not about wrong or right, but rather living a life of freedom.


10. Speak Good Words
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, so use words wisely. Put a watch over your mouth and analyze the words that leave your lips. Are they positive? Or are they tinged with negativity and judgement? This is serious business, so pay heed to the advice given. It is truly the difference between salvation and damnation – here on earth – let alone throughout eternity.

11. Nothing Is Impossible If You Have Faith
Faith is a small word, but a powerful one at that. Faith is trust in a greater one than yourself, trust in the abilities that have been placed within you, and trust that with every step forward you will find your way towards your dreams and your goals. With a sprinkling of persistence added to the formula you can do but one thing – win!

12. Use It Or Lose It
Every one of us has been endowed with a specific gift or natural talent that requires use. If you fail to lose it you will lose it. Whatever you do, don’t compare yourself with the other guy or girl who seems to have been given a bunch of talents. Use the one that you have and develop it. These represent your personal strengths, and like any muscle, the best way to develop a strength in your life is by strengthening it. So at every opportunity use it – and that way you will never lose it. You will in fact enhance it and position yourself to become a leader in your chosen field of endeavour.

Heart Family

They are the ones you turn to when you are having a down day.  They are the ones you turn to when you have a cardiologist appointment and want to hear what is going on.  They are the amazing people in your life that for whatever reason, God has made them family.  To me, my heart family, means as much to me as my blood family.  I love them as brothers and sisters, and yet, with no blood bond, we are bonded by the heart.  After my heart surgery it was hard to talk to someone who didn't understand what I just went through.  It was a change of life, a change of physical look, and a complete mental overhaul.  Last year, I had the chance to meet other adults who had been born with CHDs.  People who like me look very normal on the outside, but ask them to show scars, will compare a heart scar with you in the blink of an eye.  The ACHA allowed me that opportunity to meet others like me.  Everyone from my roomate Dana whom I love dearly, to Susan who is a heart mom, Mike who is the one of the closest things to a brother I have and Joanie, who like me is also a heart and wired sister.  When things get rough with one of us, we band together and support eachother.  My sister Joanie is going in for open heart surgery on June 8th.  When you look at the calendar and realize that it isn't very far off, you start prayers.  Healing ones.  The ones that hope for when you are at your worst.  But that isn't the end of it.  I was supposed to be going to San Diego for the Beads of Courage, and due to other circumstances, had to cancel my trip to California.  After talking to Mike, he is actually driving down from California to get me and take me back up in time for Joanie's surgery.  We will both be there for her.  Now as a normal person, how many people do you know that would make that trip just because?  I love my heart family, the adults, the kiddos the parents, every aspect to a heart family and what we incorporate.  So tonight, to my sister Joanie, I love you.  I know you will rock this, who better than to have me and Mike with Jim?  Hugs to you all.

How To Take on the Deep Waters

For the longest time I've been working on my relationship with Jesus.  Today, while I was reading my bible, I came across this story.....I thought it seemed fitting.

Most of us like to live in our lives in shallow waters, where it is safe and easy. You aren’t gonna drown on shallow waters right? For the most of us, our days become a daily routine of monotonous activities. So we live our life with certain boredom and even some kind of jadedness.

Yet, there are those who live life in deep waters. They are not contented with mediocrity. They long to live life to the full. They desire to live a life that is meaningful and significant.

When Jesus first saw Peter, he was cleaning his boat on the shore. Jesus just suddenly jumped on Peter’s boat and asked him to go to deep waters. Peter obliges.

When they reached deep waters Jesus asked Peter to throw the nets.

Peter replied, “Master we have worked all night and caught nothing. But at your word I will let down the nets”

Suddenly their nets caught great numbers of fish that it was almost tearing!

Like Peter, many of us have labored and labored but “have caught nothing.” It seems like all are hard work are going nowhere.

But when we let Jesus invade our lives, He lifts up our actions, our lives, our being. We suddenly find ourselves in a higher pitch of life. We become suddenly more productive than we ever had when Jesus is in our boats.

But before we experience this lifting up of our lives and of our being, we must first do what Peter did.

He obeyed Jesus.

Peter let Jesus take him to deep waters and to a deeper way of life. It is in the deep with Jesus that Peter found something more than he expected.

So are you still living in the shallow waters?

Let Jesus in your boat and take you to the deep. And there you will find your greatness.

How often do you ask why when something is happening or has already happened?
The cause for things happening can have multiple reasons and asking why is your mind’s need to make sense because confusion and uncertainty can feel unsafe, unpredictable, and painful.

Answers give relief

We ask why to understand and to regain control so we will know what to do. We ask why because we often look at life circumstances as problems or bad things.
When we do things we regret, feel shame, or beat ourselves up for, we wonder, “Why did I do that?” Or “Why didn’t I do [fill in the blank]?” We want to know so we can fix things or fix ourselves so next time we will do things differently and not repeat the past.

We want life to make sense

How often have you gained insight into what causes you to do or feel something and you keep wondering why that pattern is still alive within you?
We want life to make sense
Guess what?
It doesn’t.
At least not in all the ways we are accustomed to thinking and understanding. Seeking to understand yourself with the curiosity of a child opens pathways for growth and inner healing.
Why?
Growth can be a great starting point that can rapidly become a “sticking point.”

Learning to ask different questions

I’ve been on my own healing journey for quite some time. I’ve endured a financial hardship that has impacted my business and my personal life from 2009 – 2011. This circumstance has profoundly transformed me.
Asking why I created that situation, why it was happening and the many others whys I could have asked would have only inflated the anger I already felt towards myself, God, and LIFE!
Instead I asked different questions such as:
- How is this situation serving me to grow and heal?
- What is this situation challenging me to do or be that I have resisted?
- What qualities might be cultivated from this experience?
- What do I need to let go of?
- What is the gift and blessing in this experience that I can also share with the world?
Looking at my life situation from a higher perspective strengthened my courage, faith, and trust and brought me closer to God. My life is filled with abundance, love, and Grace. It always has been. And so is yours!
When you look at all that is happening as healing and growth opportunities, life takes on a deeper meaning.
If you have done a lot of inner work and see familiar patterns still alive within you, it is because each time we expand into the next level of our expression, stuff held more deeply within ourselves rises to the surface to be acknowledged, felt, accepted, and released.
Some of what you might be feeling may be part of your service to the world to heal pain for others who cannot do that for themselves. Remember that we are all one.

Your own inner healing, heals the world

I believe that all things happen for a reason. Every prayer is always answered and help comes in the forms that serve us in the highest way to grow and “wake up” to who we are.
Letting go of the need to know the “why” invites faith and trust to grow.
Be open to see the perfection of your life. Let go of any whys you might be struggling with and be open to opportunities for deeper faith and trust. Tune your eyes to see some of the hidden gifts and blessings you might be overlooking.
And then say, “Thank you.”

The Mayonnaise Jar and the Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar… and the coffee…
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

6 Rules To Live By

1. Life is so much more fun if you just let loose and live completely with no regrets. It builds confidence and gives you an exhilarating feeling to do what you want, when you want.

2. The Lord always answers prayers. I know we've always heard this but, it is SO true and I know that without a doubt. There have been so many times where I have had to pray to God and ask silly little questions because, I just didn't know what to do. And in HIS time, those prayers were answered.

3. I am incredibly blessed and grateful for everything that I have. Each night before I say my prayers - I sit there and think about my day. I have to pick out at least one thing that I am grateful for that day, that I can thank God for. Even if it's the worst day possible, I still have to pick something out. Sometimes, it's something as simple as the store clerk smiling at me. But, I've found when I do this - I'm much more attentive to what the Lord blesses me with.

4. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. There are no coincidences when the Lord is in control, and let's be honest when ISN'T He in control? So, everything that happens in your life - it's happening for a reason. You just need to have the faith to see it through and show Him that you trust Him.

5. Service makes the world go 'round. Over the past year I have had so many people help me and all it makes me want to do is turn around and serve others. It's a wonderful cycle that should never ever stop! I have a HUGE testimony of service and I think that it is something that is often forgotten, especially in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

6. I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I saw a sign today that said: "Good friends are like angels, you don't have to see them to know they are there." And that is all I need to say about my friends; new and old. You are amazing and I will never be able to express how much love and appreciation I have for you.

My Thoughts For Tonight

When you get right down to it, each and every one of us, regardless of our current situations in life, is very, very, very blessed. God will never leave us with out the blessings we deserve. However, it is entirely up to US to recognize the blessings placed in front of us. As I sit here and thinking, I realize that all along, I have had EXACTLY what I needed at that time. Life isn't easy, and life is challenging as HECK ... but if you EVER think that God leaves you stranded - you had better think again. He gives you just what you need - but do YOU recognize it?
I think that too often, we are left wondering why we're left standing alone during a trial. In reality, we need to look right in front of us and realize that we HAVE the blessings we need to make it through a difficult time. Are we too stubborn to recognize them? Are we too blind to accept that they are our blessings? Perhaps the blessings come in a way that we weren't expecting and we let them pass us by without acknowledgment.
Yes, life is challenging. Life is HARD. Life is exhausting. But, look around you and realize that there is SO much to be grateful for. It can all be taken away from you in a split second, so why not live for today ... enjoy this very moment ... recognize the good around you ... be grateful for what you have, regardless of whether is easy or hard ... and thank God for the life he has given you.

Life is short, why not make the best of it.
Be grateful.
Be happy.
Recognize your blessings.

A simple laugh

This morning I was going down to the gift shop to grab some Mt. Dew like I usually do, and I met this amazing little girl.  Her name was Elyse, and as we started talking she told me that she was 3.  The thing about Elyse is that she had no hair, just stubble and was wearing this beautiful purple flower dress.  She told me that she had neuroblastoma and that she was having to start treatment again.  Her uncle told me that she had been doing treatments, and they thought it had gone into remission, and out of no where came back.  She saw my pacemaker scar and thought that I had a port like her, and I told her that I had a little machine that helps my heart.  Then she saw my heart scar.  She asked me if she could touch it and asked if it hurt.  I told her no, that my chest didn't hurt anymore, she said, you wanna see my scars.  Right there in the gift shop this little girl lifted up her dress and showed me her belly, her port scar on her chest and the scar that she had right down the middle of her spine.  She said see even these make me look pretty.  I told her, that she was beautiful with her scars.  She gave me a hug, and told me to have a good day, as her and her uncle headed back to her room.  That one little girl hug, made my day.  Life is so delicate.  Her smile was amazing and her laughter intoxicating as she was dragging her uncle around the shop looking for things to get.  So here is to the kids with their scars, rock em!!!  Be proud of them.  Your scar is the outward symbol of an inward journey.  NEVER, NEVER, NEVER forget that.  To Elyse, you made my day. 

‎15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

‎15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy :

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk
Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle.

5. Give up your limiting beliefs
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle.

6. Give up complaining
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, many things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell.

10. Give up labels
Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer.

11. Give up on your fears
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt.

12. Give up your excuses
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment
This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Thoughts

Over the last couple of weeks, there have been many rude remarks made about my weight.  So for those of you who are not enlightened let me tell you this.  I'm a 32 year old mom who was born with a CHD.  I suffered a stroke during my heart surgery, had a son 11 months later, who for the longest time didn't even remember having.  I ended up having a hysterectomy 10 months after Kyle was born, and having sternal wires removed in 09.  Then I will tag in Bentley, who the first round was put in wrong and fried my heart.  Second round, I'm dependent on my pacemaker.  I'm currently in Stage B CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and have tagged on between 60-80 lbs due to medications that I need to be on to help my heart.  All of this happened from 2005 on.  So when you look at me and think, man she could stand to loose some weight, remember, on the outside, I look normal and probably fluffy.  I am currently 223 lbs.  How is that?  I actually listed my weight.  I have never in my life been this big.  EVER.  On the inside, there is a constant stuggle just to keep living.  In my mind, and each day I wake up, I'm grateful for each day I have, each breath I take, and the chance to be a mom, wife, daughter, sister, best friend, what have you.  You aren't there when my feet swell so bad they feel like they are going to split.  You aren't there when I wake up in the middle of the night, trying to fight to breathe.  You aren't there when I look at my heart scar in the mirror and start crying because you have that realization of just how precious life is.  You aren't there when you go to bed with a funky heart rhythm questioning is this going to be the night that God says it is time to come home, or even the thought that your kid is going to try and wake you up and your gone?  I very rarely will talk to people about my life, especially on this level.  However, if you truly want to know me, ask me.  I will tell you live life to the fullest, make the most of each day you have, always tell your kids and family just how much you love them.  I can honestly say I've been dead more times than I care to admit.  I have a purpose in this life, however I'm not quite sure what it is yet, and I won't ever quit trying to figure that out.  Tonight, many requests went into my Give it to God box.  Many things going through my head.  But, the least of my concern right now is what someone thinks when they say I am fat.  Look at me, tell me, what have you done today to put a smile on someones face?  Did you help a elderly lady who dropped a bag of groceries?  Did you talk on the phone to a close friend who is on a heart transplant list waiting to get a second chance at life, or trying to console a friend who is choosing hospice at a young age?  Do you listen to parents as they tell you about their little ones and the new challenges or achievements they have made?  Do you listen to your son tell you how awesome of a mom you are?  Do you pick up your phone for family who is just checking on you or are having a hard time in their own life?  These are things that I do on a regular basis, because that is me.  I am happy being me, I am happy for what I have been through because it is those things that gave me courage, strength, and the realization that sometimes I do need help. 

Heart Failure in Young Athletes

This is something that really needs to be done....From the HeartWaves blog, Holly touches on the need to have young athletes screened.


Over 10 million adolescents participate in extracurricular sports activities every year in theUnited States. Despite the many advances in medical care and the performance of sports physicals, a significant number of teenage athletes die without warning every year. One to two per 200,000 student athletes die of sudden unexpected deaths while participating in athletic games every year. Sudden cardiac death (SCD) is defined as death of cardiac origin that occurs within several hours of the usual state of health and is unanticipated and not related to trauma or other organ disease. The death of young, apparently healthy individuals who are considered to be at the pinnacle of fitness, impacts upon sport, their peers, family and friends and the community as a whole.

Many of the cardiovascular abnormalities that cause sudden cardiac death in athletes exhibit no signs or symptoms prior to the lethal event. The cause of sudden death in athletes is usually an underlying cardiovascular disorder, which includes inherited and congenital heart diseases. Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM) was found to be the most common cause of death in student athletes, accounting for over thirty percent of the cases. Other conditions that lead to sudden cardiac death in athletes include congenital coronary artery anomalies, Marfan syndrome, and cardiac electrical-conduction abnormalities.

Students who wish to participate in extracurricular sport activities are required to have a preparticipation physical evaluation. Preparticipation cardiovascular screening is the systematic practice of medically evaluating large, general populations of athletes before participation in sports for the purpose of identifying (or raising suspicion of) abnormalities that could provoke disease progression or sudden death. The current recommendation from the American Heart Association for student athletes is to have a physical examination every two years at a minimum. The preparticipation physical evaluation was created over 20 years ago to provide a method to provide medical clearance for athletes who might be at risk for sudden death from physical activity.

The time designated for the preparticipation physical evaluations also serves as a time for a routine health maintenance exam. The athletic preparticipation physical exam has become a standard of care for high school students across the nation to participate in extracurricular sport activities. In theUnited States, the pre-participation evaluation includes obtaining a thorough personal and family health history and the physical examination.

The American Academy of Pediatrics released guidelines for healthcare providers to follow to determine eligibility for sports participation in screening individuals with common medical conditions. Approximately 10% of students require further evaluation for abnormal findings either in the history or upon examination and over two percent will be completely excluded from all sports participation. If any concerns are noted in the medical history or if an abnormality is found during physical examination, the individual will be referred to a specialist for further evaluation, where clearance can be determined. The important message for all parents and students to understand is that while this sports physical exam and history is thorough, it is not an exact science, it is simply a screening process. Routine health examinations and follow-up are essential to the well-being of all individuals. If there are any concerns the student or parent may have, they should discuss them with their primary health care provider.

Holly Tomlin

CHD AWARENESS!!!!!

Thoughts for a Beautiful Day! An update....

For the last couple months, there has been so much that has happened, that it seriously has been a whirlwind.  Kyle is getting ready to graduate from preschool and start Kindergarten in the fall.  The last 6 months has flown by.  With a trip to Louisiana to meet my niece and nephew to watching my nieces grow up out here, life has truly been a blessing.  Kyle has started asking more and more about my heart scar and how exactly they do surgery.  This is something that we are having to answer more, and because he wants specifics, he has been asking very in depth questions.  I've been able to go back to church and in October was baptized with my friend Vanessa with me.  It was important to me.  My life had been going through so many changes, and it was the time for me to begin my walk with God.  Me and Kevin are doing great.  Since the stroke was diagnosed last year and we have been able to get meds to help with the stroke side of things, there has been in a huge change and it has actually been good to enjoy my family time.  I have been accepted to the Adult Congenital Heart Association Heart to Heart Ambassador Program which I am looking forward to with all my heart.  A chance to help others who have been where I was years ago and able to educate.  There is so much in the CHD community that has moved me this year.  Many of my mended little brothers and sisters are making huge jumps in leaps and bounds.  It has been awesome to watch one milestone after another achieved.  I have met a lot more adults in the Tucson community with CHD and it is amazing that with as big as Tucson is, we don't have a CHD program for our adults.  I would love to see this come to fruition.  Currently we have been having an upwards battle with Bentley.  We have had issues where there have been days where she works beautifully and there has been days where there might be a slip up here or there.  I checked multiple things off my bucket list this year so far.  Simple things, but one of the biggest I am excited about was going bungee jumping.  It was like flying, one of the most amazing feelings in the world.  Right now....I'm in a great place with family, my faith, my heart.  I couldn't ask for better people in my life, and surely couldn't ask for a better Kevin and Kyle.  Hugs and love to all.  Will be posting more on here as I get going again. 

Life is So Short....

Today reminded me just how short life really is and how anything can happen in a single moment.  Just to remember that you should never take life for granted!!!!  So here is some advice on how to live life to the fullest:

1) Seize each day. Live each day as if it's your last and overall just do it! Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Be present to enjoy the moment. Each day is a fresh start with options just waiting to be explored, so what are you waiting for?

2) Be adventurous. Explore, live on the edge a little, and embrace new challenges. Visit new places with your loved ones. Take the road less traveled. Don’t stick to the same old, same old. Life is more exciting with adventure!

3) Keep a journal. Record your accomplishments as well as your delights. Take time to reflect on what has been previously written. Be an inspiration to yourself and others!!!!

4) Love everyone.

• Love yourself. Focus on your inner and outer beauty to see the same in others. Acceptance comes from within. Don’t focus on the things you don’t like about yourself. Rather, find the things you love about yourself.
• Love others. Love the ones who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Life is too precious to be wasted on waiting for love.

5) Accept everyone. Be kind and courteous. Enjoy the company of others. Acknowledge their goodness rather than the differences in their beliefs. Do not judge others. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

6) Find purpose in life. Find something that gives your life meaning, be it being a great friend, sibling, parent, grandparent, teacher, neighbor, etc. Once you have found something to live for, you’ll live better.

7) Give back. Be selfless in service to others. Do charitable service outside of your immediate community as well. Giving back will not only make you better as a person, it will help others.

8) Seek balance. Understand the night and day, back and forth, good and bad in all things.

9) Be positive. Focus on good thoughts and good things will happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Beating yourself up won’t help anything. Be positive. Say, think, and do positive things. Always look on the sunny side of life. Remember that the glass isn’t half empty, it’s half full.

10) Listen to your heart and soul. Listen for advice, but be confident in making your own decision. Use your instinct. Don’t let others tell you what to do.

11) Laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. It releases endorphins and promotes longevity. Inner joy is beautiful!

12) Appreciate the little things. Take a walk around your community to experience the wonder in a way that you have never experienced it before. Pretend that you are from a different country and you’re here for the first time. Go out with your family and take time to appreciate them. Take it all in and find the beauty it - it’s all around you, just open up your eyes and look!

13) Forgive yourself and others. Release your negative energy that holds you back, your past failures, embrace whatever life offers you.

14) Anticipate tomorrow. Everyday is unique, like the blossoming clouds. It's never the same, but always beautiful. If things aren’t going right for you, remember that there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow, your life could change for the better.

15) Accept death. Pondering death brings appreciation to life. Take time to appreciate the expanse and beauty of your life and our earth. Don’t fight death or live in fear of it. Let go peacefully.

16) Appreciate the environment. Take a break occasionally and go for a walk. Assume that you have come from another planet. Take a fresh look at the clouds, the colors of sky at sunset and sunrise. Look at the plants, trees, leaves, and flowers and how they sway when wind blows. Look at water how it shakes and shapes itself in the vessel it's stored. Look at numerous forms of life - insects, animals, birds and humans. This exercise will clear off the dead memories and monotony that kills the joy of living.

17) Maintain a strong foundation of beliefs.  However, be humble and open to others opinions (in truth). Stand up for what you believe in and don’t let others push you around, but be open to other people's ideas, as they may surprise you. Do not get caught up on little things.

18) Make Friends. Make true friends; friends around whom you can be yourself. Go more places with them so that you can share your joy with someone else. By being around people you will become a more understanding person.

19) Inspire yourself. Do something that inspires you, be it finding a role model or simply reading an inspirational quote life is better once you’ve enlightened yourself!

20) Take nothing for granted. Appreciate everything and everyone around you - your family, friends, house, pets, environment, and world. One day, you may wake up to find that one of those things is gone, so appreciate them while you have them.

21) Follow your dreams. Make a list of everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing and then make it happen. Dreams aren’t achieved by sitting around and waiting. They’re achieved by getting up and working for them! Work hard and make your dreams a reality! Work hard and play harder! You can always fulfill your dreams. If you really want something, find a way to achieve it!

22) Don’t give up. Do not accept defeat, even if it seems like it’s the only option. Look at the obstacles that others have overcome to be who they are and to fight for what they think is right. Translate that into your everyday life and use that mindset to accomplish simple things in life.